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This Rapper is a Better Financial Advisor than Charles Schwab

Lil’ Dicky is a rapper who’s getting big. He’s like Eminem crossed with The Lonely Island crossed with Action Bronson. If you only listen to smooth jazz, those are all famous white rappers. He just dropped a new video for his song “$ave Dat Money.”

This song contains solid financial advice. He talks through basic principles like rolling over your 401K, buying long lasting clothes, finding deals on household goods and eschewing brand name products for their generic counterparts. People aren’t saving enough money these days, and following the basic principles he outlines will get you headed in the right direction. It might not make you rich, but he provides a good framework and he’s not trying to BS anyone.

Let’s contrast that with a video released this week by Charles Schwab.

What an unhelpful pile of horse dung. That’s just a tiny click away from Nigerian scammer status. You might say “don’t be dramatic” and I would say OPEN YOUR EYES. Charles Schwab is trying to scare you out of your money in the same way as those criminals. They just do it with slick videos instead of poorly worded emails.

The video implores you to invest in their (high fee) funds because “global markets are becoming more connected” and you need something “more sophisticated.” Charles Schwab would have you believe that the steam engine was recently invented and we just entered a global economy. They’re trying to make you think that the world is a big scary place where you couldn’t possibly survive without their help. Their shameless fear mongering is made worse by the fact their “help” involves pretending that they’ve reinvented the wheel by telling you to invest in different and varied asset classes.

They are not providing new information. The markets have always been connected. You don’t need their sophisticated services, which are really just repackaged version of their same old services, because of some nebulous event that is not really happening.

And hey, I could be wrong. Maybe their new investing strategy is really great. But I’d bet you’d make more money following Lil’ Dicky: Live within your means, invest in your 401K and maybe one day you can party with half-naked girls on a yacht, just like him.